in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
tell your sister to shave her snatch
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
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so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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