I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
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