well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
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Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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