Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
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