i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
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Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
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The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
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