Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
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You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
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Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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