New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize