So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
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