P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize