Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
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She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
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you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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