im drinking this country out of the recession.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
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I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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