is your mom at the bar?
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Randomize