I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
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Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
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