you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
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I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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