i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
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I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
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You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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