Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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