You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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