i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
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There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
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I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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