ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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