He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Mom said you looked used
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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