Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
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We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
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He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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