Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
i just had sex bonerless
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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