I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Randomize