Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize