I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
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Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
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i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
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