I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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