The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
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