yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
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I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
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I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize