Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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