my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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