Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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