This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize