Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
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