I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
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in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
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Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
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