So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I am available for nakedness
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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