She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize