drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
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I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
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Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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