you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
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I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
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i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
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