Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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