I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
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Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
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I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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