Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
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I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
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Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
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