i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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