So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Randomize