shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
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I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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