What a fucking waste of an outfit
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Randomize