Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
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What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
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Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
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