I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
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He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
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no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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