and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
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I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
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It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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