We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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