im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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